worry – The Light Behind the Story

I used to go to sleep with Fear. When I was a child, I would check the shadowed corners of my room to see if a ghost, or some other unwelcome presence, was lurking there. Three glances for each corner, then I’d quickly tuck myself into bed, pulling the sides of the covers like a cocoon around my head with only my face exposed so I could breathe. My army of stuffed animals stood guard around the perimeter of my bed, yet my heart would often race my frantic thoughts to sleep.

More than the dark, I was afraid of what was hidden inside of it. I was raised with the belief that ghosts were not real and a fear of the dark was irrational, but my fear was real. It stayed with me long into adulthood and has diminished only over the past few years. Before it left me, Worry started moving in to take its place. Since Worry is a companion to Fear, it merely took the upper hand of an already present relationship.

Instead of fearing “imaginary” ghosts and demons, my mind played with Worry. As many of us do, I re-worried past events, going through the day’s circumstances that caused frustration or other unpleasant emotions within me. Instead of letting the past settle, I dug it back up and resisted sleep as I sifted through what I could no longer retrieve. Sometimes, I’d move into the future, creating a world of what ifs and maybes, mostly centered around the emotion of worry.

As I learn to live more fully in the present, I have find it easier to leave Worry and Fear behind when I tuck myself into bed at night. Most nights I go to bed with feelings of relief, gratitude, and expectation. In the soft cocoon of darkness, nestled under my covers (I still tuck them around my head, some habits stick fast), I welcome the unimpeded drift of the mind.

The veil that Ego grips more tightly during the day quietly dissolves at night when our minds drift into the intermediary realm that occurs before sleep takes over. In this space, Spirit moves freely and, when we are open to it, we travel and commune with beings from other realms often overlooked during the daytime. It is a time, I believe, filled with magic.

If you are used to going to sleep holding the hands of Fear and Worry, try releasing them. Welcome instead the gentle embrace of Love. Imagine what wonders you will find!

When I was a teenager I was obsessive about making lists. I would put everything I needed to do for the day or the week on my lists, outside of the ordinary sort-of things like brushing teeth and making my bed. I even had a scrap of paper that I would pull out every couple of days and tack to the bulletin board above my desk that said, “Shave Legs” in curly cue letters. Yep, I had a bit of OCD.

By the time I went to college I had stopped making lists. Instead, I secretly laughed at my over-organized classmates who would pull out their planners with every minute of their day scheduled. I figured, if I couldn’t remember what I needed, than it either wasn’t important, or I was on an early road to senility.

Of course there is something to be said about those list-makers. The one peer in particular who comes to mind, although a bit uptight, was an excellent student. Someone she managed to graduate from Bowdoin with a triple major. I thought I was doing well with a double!

Last week I started a list and fixed it to the side of my fridge. No, it’s not a grocery list, although I discovered the advantages to having a regular log of “foods needed” once I moved out of my parents’ home. The list on the side of my fridge is a list to the universe. Yep, the universe.

If you’ve read or watched The Secret you probably have a good idea already about what is on my list. Instead of items I plan to get though, I have statements such as “Alethea has a published manuscript of her memoir and a great agent;” “Alethea’s chakras are open and she no longer needs thyroid medication;” “Alethea no longer grinds her teeth at night,” etc. You get the picture?

Actually it’s all about pictures. The idea behind my list (which is currently 13 items long), is to state desires and goals as though they have have already been achieved. I was spurred to make the list, not by The Secret, but my psychic dev. instructor. I had heard about this concept through several sources, and thought okay, time to give it a try. Apparently within days of stating on her list that she had a set of “four almost-new tires,” for her mini van, my instructor’s neighbor had set out four tires on his front lawn with a “Free” sign attached to them. They were in great condition, and they happened to fit her van.

A coincidence, or was it the universe working to make her dream a reality? Think about how easily things come to some people, in particular people who don’t worry excessively and always seem to have a sunny outlook on life. Kids are a great example. Within months of deciding she wanted to have an American Girl doll, my daughter suddenly had five. Yep, five (only one is new). It’s called the Law of Attraction. The universe gives to us what we send out. If we worry obsessively about money, we’ll be over-whelmed with financial challenges.

I have an obsession with being late, just ask anyone who knows me. I worried so much about being late for my first psychic dev. class, that I was late. Hours before the class I thought obsessively about the weather and if it was going to turn to freezing rain and delay my journey. I worried about my husband making it to our meeting place on time to pick up the kids and whether we would find parking places near each other. I worried about finding the classroom and the right entrance to the building.

The rain had stopped freezing by the time I was on my way to meet my husband. (A small sigh of relief.) I got to Main Street and searched for a place to park near the restaurant where we were to meet up. None opened up. Panicking, I ended up parking in a fire lane, while I called my husband. The call went through, then it cut out. I called again, same. And again. Yep, his phone happened to break on this night. To make a long story shorter, I finally found his car, gave him the kids and cursed my way to class. I went in the wrong entrance and found a kind man who helped me navigate the maze of hallways. I was ten minutes late. Could have been worse, I know, but my obsessive worry had manifested into reality.

So, I’m going to give this list thing another go. Jean Houston, http://www.jeanhouston.org/, is one of the many spiritual leaders of our time who talks about this concept. Not only does she recommended putting that statement out there, but imagining, living and breathing it. If you want a new car for example, in your mind paint it the shade of blue you desire, visualize the model and year. Step inside of it and inhale that new upholstery. Turn the key and shift it into drive. Feel the rhythm of the tires on the pavement. Hear their hum. Taste that glass of wine (or beer, or soda, or water…) you’ll drink in celebration after you’ve signed the paper. Cheers!