Trading the red dress for purple

Naturally, now, I wish I had pulled through the fog of sleep when I first woke, and wrote the scene of events when they were still painted in vivid hues. Here, though, is what I remember:

There was a dress, a brilliant red frilly affair, not unlike the Red Riding hood flock my daughter wore for Halloween, the color of blood when first spilled and trimmed in lace. I had it on backwards, at first. There was conflict, the replay of the past in different form. People I love, but have caused heartache, still lingering in the shadows of the mind. They had come out of the shadows last night, in the eve of the new moon, to remind me of what I still must shed.

It didn’t take long for me to notice the dress I was wearing  was backwards, so I righted it without taking it off. I wore if for awhile, through that play of scenes, before I traded it in for another. But let me tell you what else occurred last night, as I try to put the disperate pieces together.

There was another scene, entirely new from the other, and seemingly unrelated as dreams have that way of changing course suddenly. But, one knows really that nothing is unrelated.

I stood in water under a bridge. To my right, the river went upstream, to my left, down. The bridge above providing the option of two more directions, one a path into the past and the option of returning to the scene I had just left.

The water was a beautiful blue, full and strong, and I stood solid in the middle of the crossroads. To my right I watched with longing the tempting play of laughter as boaters paddled the current together. The sun shone high above. The only darkness was over the bridge, hidden through the tunnel of trees.

Here the dream became lucid in form. I knew the bird was coming before it appeared, quick and sure, from an unknown location. I knew I needed to remember her, as she was a messenger from Spirit. She was white, with the hint of brown and gray edging her feathers. A tiny (snowy) owl still in the early stages of her life where energy abounds but wisdom has yet to truly ripen.

My silent messenger of magic stopped her rapid flight in mid-air to balance at the point of my third eye. Our eyes locked, and she lingered long enough for me to remember. I had a choice, which path would I take?

Now, let me take you back out of the water, to that woman in the red dress. Through the course of those night travels she shed that red dress. She took it off, even after she righted it, and traded it in for another, and when she did everything shifted. The troubled scene she traveled through earlier became a place of joy as she twirled into her light in a lavender gown, sure, oh so sure, of who she was. Nothing, it seemed, could hold her back from living the true magic of her soul.

 

 

 

Selfies

A friend of mine just wrote a post that moved me into that place of contemplation. In the quiet space of self, she had allowed herself to explore and love who she is in the moment of Now. Perceived flaws broke open beauty as she found the true light within through touch and acceptance. How many of us, I wonder, hold onto a false sense of self? How many of us want to be beautiful in a way that doesn’t truly define us?

I rarely take selfies. I can count the number of times I’ve tried to on one hand. My face, I have always believed, is not loved by the camera. It is small in size, with a set of teeth that I’ve always thought too large and pronounced for the thin lips and narrow frame. When I smile too wide, I see wrinkles. When I don’t, I see a glaring over-bite.

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Sometimes, though, in the private reflection of a mirror, I can find beauty and the parts of me I love. The blue, blue eyes that look like a kaleidoscope of truth. The eyebrows I’ve never plucked and the frame of hair that tends toward unruly. There is a wild me that I love, but what about the rest?

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How do we find acceptance in those places where beauty hides from us? Can we love the body of self we have chosen for this life, knowing that this is the only perfect vessel for the journey we are on? We must, I believe, to travel light and in the light.

How often have I pushed against my front teeth with my hand out of rote habit, and wondered how my appearance would have changed with braces? How many times have I longed for full lips and lashes? There have been so many parts of me that I have imagined changed, but for what purpose? To me loved more? By me? By others?

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So, today I took the phone resting beside me, and took a look at this self that I have always seen as imperfect. I shot from the angles I could reach and then loaded the results. It all came out on the screen. The camera mirrors our beliefs. There was the over-bite spreading the lips too thin, the wrinkles in the brow and under the eyes, the face trying to find a smile. But, there was also the light, shining in the blue, blue eyes. There was the truth of who I am and that body of love that also shines. There was me. The unaltered me. I’ll take it as a gift. It is what I asked for in this life.

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Dreaming the Sweetest Pair of Uggs

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My earliest recalled dream last night found me hosting a group of sort-of friends from long ago. We appeared to be having a book club, and my friends were hungry and asking for something to nibble on. Suddenly, I found myself sorting through clutter, old newspapers and collected material that needed to be cleared and disposed of, as I attempted to work around it to make the snacks.

Chocolate cookies were going into ovens, bagels were being toasted. Each heated treat waiting to be topped with ice cream or cream cheese. Sounds delicious, right? But, I was feeling over-whelmed with the task. There was too much clutter, and the cookies were starting to burn before I could get to them. Forget the ice cream intended as stuffing, my hungry “friends” were waiting.

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Fast-forward to the next remembered dream. Here I was in high school, although not the high school I had once attended in waking life. This high school appeared to be a private school for grooming elite students. Again, I found myself among my friends, only this time I was comfortable and happy. The head-master (or the equivalent of one) pulled me aside as my friends and I chatted, and for a moment I thought I had done something wrong.

“You are a phenomenal student,” she told me when  we were alone in the hallway, our heads huddled together in the corner. “We’ve chosen you for the competition.”

My task, if I decided to accept, was to design a new pair of UGG shoes.

But I can’t draw, I told myself. And then I stopped. Yes I can. I can do anything I want to. It just might take more time, more practice and dedication.

Suddenly, I was dreaming up amazing ideas. There was no limit to my imagination and ability to create something new. I was putting zippers down the backs of boots that looked like they might rip every time someone pulled them on. I was applying new adornments, colors and textures. Finally, I settled on the design I would sure would win. A white pair of wedding UGGs to be worn by a bride in northern climates. They would have a thin lining of fur, soft and delicate as UGGs could be made, with a slight heel to lift. I was over the moon, this was going to be so much fun!

Although I never finished the dream to see if I had in fact won the competition, it didn’t matter. I had won, after all. I woke feeling light and lifted and full of joy. The full potential of creation was stirring inside of me. I knew the limitlessness of my being and how wonderful it feels when one stirs that put into being.

I often analyze my dreams for their messages, and here is what I took from these two dreams. The moon, right now, is just starting to wane. It has waxed into its fullness and is now starting to shed its weight. When the moon waxes, my dreams are often troubled and filled with scenes that play out the ego’s fears. They peak at the full moon, and then they begin to transform and shed their weight.

Last night, in my first dream, I was reminded of the weight the ego carries in the form of fear. There was clutter all around me. It was frustrating, it was getting in the way of the tasks I wanted to accomplish. But, these tasks were also of the ego and its fears. I was striving to please people who really didn’t deserve it. As a result, I was placing myself in a lower position to them (I actually went down a hill in the dream to prepare their food, which is also where I encountered all the clutter). The food I was preparing was sweet and rich. It was food that adds weight to the body. The foods we crave to feed our fears, which quite literally add to the emotional weight we carry in our bodies.

Then spirit gifted me with the second dream. A full transformation from the first. Here I was amid peers again, but a true leader and not someone who tries to please others at the sacrifice of her true self. I was admired and recognized for who I was, and my true potential was allowed and encouraged to shine. There was that moment of self-doubt that likes to creep in for most of us, but look what happened! I over-came it! I went beyond it to stir that pot of limitless creative potential. It was glorious, it was fun, it lifted my heart. It filled me with light. This is is the stuff inside all of us, we just need to shed the weight of the ego, stop feeding its fears, enter the womb of creation inside and birth. Again and again! We are all limitless beings.

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Radio Interview with Brad Simkins – Life Is Just Another Class

Tune in tonight to hear my friend Karen Kubicko talk about her healing experiences with past life regression.

Distractions

The roof is coming down as I write, and I can’t help thinking about how easily the creative mind can be pulled away from its work. At least for me. I am a bit restless by nature, and sitting for any length of time for the soul purpose of writing is a bit of a challenge. I hop up to let the dogs in and out, to steal a snack from the fridge, or make one if I’m unsatisfied with the contents. I grab at the pauses between inspiration to check my emails and Facebook and reply to messages. This is how the minutes slip by before I can reign them in again and use them for the purpose I set out to.
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Now, the roof is coming down outside of the window where I usually sit to write. I could move, but I don’t. Instead, my eyes pull toward the sounds of shingles sliding on plastic tarps and the shadows they make in their reckless descent toward the ground. My mind pauses between my character’s thoughts to worry about the cloths hanging on the line precariously within reach of the avalanche of shingles that once adorned the peak of my home.
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Suddenly, it’s nearly time for the school bus to groan around the corner of my street to deliver my son home and I realize the 70 page mark may not be met today, or at least not during me kid-free hours. Oh well, there’s alway another moment to grab.