The Body of Night

IMG_2531I enter the dark body of night to heal. To recover the parts of me that have been lost to fear over lifetimes.

I’ve always enjoyed putting together puzzles. The more intricate and mysterious the art of creation, the more I am drawn into the process of discovery. I have found no better place to build the puzzle of self than at night, where I can slip into the inky abyss of darkness where everything exists. It can take some cunning and a good dose of courage to find what I am looking for. Night is the place where veils dissolve, and the landscape of the soul is laid bare. It is the place where mysteries blinded by the sun become tangible when we are brave enough to extend our grasp into the black abyss.

Each dream that unfolds through Night becomes a path with a promise of a gift, or many if we can find them hidden amid the shadows. The dreams that cause the greatest tremor of emotion within our “sleeping” form, often hold the most sought-after treasures. I have learned to love nightmares, for they lay bare those pieces that lurk in the crevices of self, which can only be found after putting the easy and obvious together. They are the stuff of the inside that likes to hide, deceptively camouflaged within an unassuming palette. Yes, it is these gems I know seek, for each piece recovered brings me closer to the whole self that is Love.

Love. That is, after all, what it is all about. This quest we are all on. It is said that to love another, we must first love ourselves. I believe that the more fully we love ourselves, the more fully we love others. I believe we can only love in others, what we love in ourselves, and when we are able to accept and unite those aspects of self that are mirrored uncomfortably in others, we finally achieve the whole self that is Love. When we do this, we are loving not the fear in the form of anger, injustice or abuse, but the aspect of universal self beneath it that we all share. The piece of self yearning to be whole that was once love/loved is still, in essence, love.

Now when I discover a piece of self that has become disconnected over (life)time(s), and has forgotten love in favor of the energy of fear, I rejoice. My dreams are a tool, they work with me, taking me down the paths of self-recovery. They lead me to the source, where the hand of fear tries to hide the light. The clues to how I got there are always found in the scenes. Past lifetimes are revealed with vivid faces, costumes and languages I have not encountered in this lifetime, interwoven with a present-day landscape. It is not my job to judge, but to accept. It is not my task to hold on, but to effortlessly let go. I am brought here to seek, to find, and unite into love. I have learned that our fears do make us stronger, when we accept them with understanding, release the energy that traps and reunite the lost love.




Shadow Energies

I think a lot about my thoughts. Each one tells me something about myself, as well as the reaction of my body. Why does a thought cause my body to contract? Or, another, my cells to levitate? I met my pain body last fall, the day after an energy healing session. She appeared to me as a hooded figure, shrouded in glistening black. She hovered in my shadows until she showed me her face. It was the face of nightmares, a mouthful of jagged teeth cut like vampires. Yet, I wasn’t afraid. Finally, she was coming out into the light.

We all have a shadow-self. That part of us that feeds off of our pain and fears, consuming them like forbidden candy. If we deny their existence, they grow glutenous; they take over our beings. If we grant them voice, we can learn and accept. We can give them light, and sometimes, we can let them go.

Last April, before I met my shadow-self, I read an article from Deepak Chopra featured on and formed this erasure poem from his words.

“Shadow Energies”
(an erasure poem adapted from an article by Deepak Chopra featured on

The intensity of shadow
is a way of getting noticed

Hiding is not the same
as killing. Energies remain
even though you refuse to look
at their desire for life

To catch a child cry, then
a tantrum, it seems only reasonable
to see fear forced into repression

“I can do things that will make
you look at me.” The last
statement doesn’t alter truth

If you bring light into shadow
its distortions are healed