Let’s Talk About Fear

 

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Light Breaks Through A Darkened Cave

 

 

Let’s talk about the nature of fear, which is like an insidious disease that serves to rip apart the threads of self that bind together unity. I am speaking of the self as an individual, but also the self as a whole.  Fear, as the very opposite of Love, is not a balancing force. Although we can learn much from fear, fear should always be kept in check and allowed to be illuminated by the light of the true self which resides in the vibration of love.

If you examine the body that harbors fears and allows them to grow with all manner of thought forms, speech and action, you will find that a darkness is allowed to grow that can, over-time take on the form of disease/dis-ease, which can spread like a mass. Fear, allowed to grow and be propagated in the larger body of humanity, does the same thing. It spreads dis-ease that breaks apart that unifying power of love. It creates factions of irrational realities that profess a truth premised upon nothing else but fear.

We have come to falsely believe that fear spurs positive action, but the vibration we send out always has a way of returning to us. It also ripples out through the waves of our thoughts, our words and our actions, spreading through our individual body and to the entire body of humanity. It stirs the cells into panic-mode and creates concentration upon despair, the need to protect and to preserve at all costs, and the desire to flee the impending darkness. War sets in. It may be an involuntary war of sorts, as few really want to propagate war, but it is a war none-the-less. And, ultimately, this war that sets in, whether internally or externally (ultimately the internal war becomes external) manifested, serves no other purpose but to create division.

Although we may choose to adhere to a false belief that an eventual peace will come as a result of the war we have chosen to create, the cost is always life. Pieces of the whole are lost to fear in the belief that there is another that is separate. That this “otherness” is in some way a threat to our very existence, when in fact there is an ever-present core of light that vibrates to the frequency of love that unites all life. The same light, which is the energy of life that flows through me, also flows through you and all life. When there is a continual focus on division, without the intention to heal and understand that which creates a shadow over the true self, fear will be allowed to rule and spread its cancerous masses.

And so, it becomes the choice of the individual who is a part of the whole, what frequency s/he chooses to reside in. That with each breath, each word, each thought, and each action, there can be a conscious choice to grow fear, or to grow love.

 

 

The Body of Night

IMG_2531I enter the dark body of night to heal. To recover the parts of me that have been lost to fear over lifetimes.

I’ve always enjoyed putting together puzzles. The more intricate and mysterious the art of creation, the more I am drawn into the process of discovery. I have found no better place to build the puzzle of self than at night, where I can slip into the inky abyss of darkness where everything exists. It can take some cunning and a good dose of courage to find what I am looking for. Night is the place where veils dissolve, and the landscape of the soul is laid bare. It is the place where mysteries blinded by the sun become tangible when we are brave enough to extend our grasp into the black abyss.

Each dream that unfolds through Night becomes a path with a promise of a gift, or many if we can find them hidden amid the shadows. The dreams that cause the greatest tremor of emotion within our “sleeping” form, often hold the most sought-after treasures. I have learned to love nightmares, for they lay bare those pieces that lurk in the crevices of self, which can only be found after putting the easy and obvious together. They are the stuff of the inside that likes to hide, deceptively camouflaged within an unassuming palette. Yes, it is these gems I know seek, for each piece recovered brings me closer to the whole self that is Love.

Love. That is, after all, what it is all about. This quest we are all on. It is said that to love another, we must first love ourselves. I believe that the more fully we love ourselves, the more fully we love others. I believe we can only love in others, what we love in ourselves, and when we are able to accept and unite those aspects of self that are mirrored uncomfortably in others, we finally achieve the whole self that is Love. When we do this, we are loving not the fear in the form of anger, injustice or abuse, but the aspect of universal self beneath it that we all share. The piece of self yearning to be whole that was once love/loved is still, in essence, love.

Now when I discover a piece of self that has become disconnected over (life)time(s), and has forgotten love in favor of the energy of fear, I rejoice. My dreams are a tool, they work with me, taking me down the paths of self-recovery. They lead me to the source, where the hand of fear tries to hide the light. The clues to how I got there are always found in the scenes. Past lifetimes are revealed with vivid faces, costumes and languages I have not encountered in this lifetime, interwoven with a present-day landscape. It is not my job to judge, but to accept. It is not my task to hold on, but to effortlessly let go. I am brought here to seek, to find, and unite into love. I have learned that our fears do make us stronger, when we accept them with understanding, release the energy that traps and reunite the lost love.

 

 

 

Not broken

Seven days ago I broke my middle finger after a week of lessons and night healing. For more on this please read my post The Wounded Healer, which I have just revisited to add some clarification and edits (it was not a very polished post, please forgive me).  

The morning after I broke my finger, I was about to head downstairs to leave for my doctor’s appointment where I would learn what type of treatment I would be receiving for my break. The fracture was in the inside of my middle knuckle, and there was some speculation about a tendon being misplaced and the possibility of surgery. Now, as many of you know by now, I don’t tend to view occurrences as accidents. As I looked down at my finger, swollen and bruised, I heard the words inside my head, It’s not really broken.

I won’t go through the details of my brief visit with the orthopedist, but I will tell you how pleased I was to discover that my appointment had been made with a physician that took a nontraditional approach to breaks. Yes, my finger was fractured, but, as he told me, there was no reason I couldn’t heal it myself. Now, to be fair, I had not yet told him what I did for a living. I told only after he offered physical therapy referrals, etc. as options to help me recover full mobility after the swelling and pain went down.

To be honest, aside from the pain that occurred immediately after I fell, my finger didn’t hurt unless I over-did my attempts to bend or flex it. I walked out of the office in the elated air of slight disbelief, but I knew I could heal without help. I had never before broken a bone, but I was ready for the challenge.

One week later, I can form a fist, albeit not a tight one, and flex my finger fully. What did I do to heal? I trusted my body. Except through client healing, I never channeled healing energy through my hands. This healing, I knew, needed to come from within. It wasn’t hard, I simply allowed the process to occur.

All healing ultimately comes from within, from allowing and trusting that we hold inside of us the infinite capacity to be whole. That, in fact, our body and soul desire this more than anything else. This is why I share my story with you. When we think perhaps that we are broken, when we even have a fragmented bone to prove it to ourselves, we always have the choice to heal.

Healing what we think is broken can be a beautiful journey to self. I needed this break, along with the lessons of last week, in order to progress on my journey to Truth. That soft fire within me needed to be ignited, and the old flames of fears burned away. 

 

The Gift of Night

I used to go to sleep with Fear. When I was a child, I would check the shadowed corners of my room to see if a ghost, or some other unwelcome presence, was lurking there. Three glances for each corner, then I’d quickly tuck myself into bed, pulling the sides of the covers like a cocoon around my head with only my face exposed so I could breath. My army of stuffed animals stood guard around the perimeter of my bed, yet my heart would often race my frantic thoughts to sleep.

More than the dark, I was afraid of what was hidden inside of it. I was raised with the belief that ghosts were not real and a fear of the dark was irrational, but my fear was real. It stayed with me long into adulthood and has only diminished over the past few years. Before it left though, Worry started moving in to take its place. Since Worry is a companion to Fear, it merely took the upper-hand of an already present relationship.

Instead fearing “imaginary” ghosts and demons, my mind played with Worry. As many of us do, I re-worried past events, going through the day’s circumstances that caused frustration or other unpleasant emotions within me. Instead of letting the past settle, I dug it back up and resisted sleep as I sifted through what I could no longer retrieve. Sometimes, I’d move into the future, creating a world of what-ifs and maybes, mostly centered around the emotion of worry.

As I have learned to live more fully in the present, I have found it easier to leave Worry and Fear behind when I tuck myself into bed at night. Most nights I go to bed with feelings of relief, gratitude and expectation. In the soft cocoon of darkness, nestled under my covers (I still tuck them around my head, some habits stick fast), I welcome the unimpeded drift of the mind.

The veil that Ego grips more tightly during the day, quietly dissolves at night when our minds drifts into the intermediary realm that occurs before sleep takes over. In this space Spirit moves freely and, when we are open to it, we travel and commune with our spirit guides, angels and other  beings of light that we often over-look during the daytime. It is a time, I believe, filled with magic. Oh the things I have seen! The places I’ve been! Now I await bedtime with the anticipation of a child on the eve of Christmas. Oh the gifts I have opened!

Art by Karen Kubicko
Art by Karen Kubicko

If  you are used to going to sleep holding the hands of Fear and Worry, try releasing them. Welcome instead, the gentle embrace of Love. Imagine what wonders you will find!

The Grace of Deer

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It seems a day rarely passes for me without the gracing presence of deer. Whether I am walking, or driving my car, these beautiful animals are passing into my life this spring to remind me that all birth takes grace and patience. That when we allow ourselves to embrace the full beauty of our lives and our gifts, we will birth new beginnings with greater ease and abundance.

The deer is a silent creature of the forest. In fact, its ability to be quiet and camouflage into its surroundings is its best defense against predators. That, and its ability to stop and listen, and, when necessary, run with swiftness and grace.

The deer is an animal that embodies great beauty without being a threat to others. Even the male deer is a symbol of majestic strength without the attachments of danger and fear. Deer reminds us that we can be strong and confident without being arrogant and overt. That when we embody this grace and beauty, we attract the awe and respect of others without the trappings of jealousy or malice.

Deer is an animal that does not hibernate, but is always quietly present in and around the forest. It knows how to adapt and survive in a place where danger lurks beside magic and abundance. The adult male deer, with its rack of antlers, can remind us of our psychic abilities, and our access to divine guidance and higher truths. Ted Andrews, in his book Animal Speak recommends counting the number of points on a male deer’s antlers when you encounter one, to gleam greater insight on its message for you. This may also be applied to a heard of deer, if you see one. Count the number and then look it up and see if this adds greater meaning to the message of this animal encounter.

It is also important to check in with your own thoughts and life circumstances when deer appears for you. What is deer telling you about them? Connect with the spirit of the deer through intent and see if you receive a message.

Andrews associates deer with the number 5, in particular, because it takes 5 years for a deer to grow the largest rack of antlers. He states that the deer may be telling you to look for new growth, especially intuitive/perceptive growth to occur within the next 5 years. The number 5 is associated with change and activity, and also inner strength.

If you are about to have a new baby, or have a young child at home, the deer can serve to remind you of the importance of nurturing and protecting your child from outside energies and influences. This can be applied to anyone, not only infants and young children. The deer is a vigilant and attentive care-giver, reminding us of our own need for self-care in a world still permeated with too much fear.

This morning, when I encountered a deer, it was literally running away in fear. I was walking with a friend and we had our dogs with us. Not coincidentally, we had been talking about the fears we had for our children in a world where we could not always count on them being safe.

When you see a deer, stop for a moment and check in with your own fears. Ask yourself what is holding you back. Is there something, fear-based, that needs releasing? Do you need to trust more? To embrace the beautiful gifts you are reluctant to birth? Are you being kind and gentle to yourself and others?

Take a moment to listen, the deer has wonderfully large ears, what do you hear?

Love

It’s one of those words that is as complex as it is simple. Love. Last night, in the moments before sleep, I thought about love, and what it has meant to me in this lifetime. Overcome by a sudden wave of emotion, I realized my soul was asking me to release still more of the dense energy that I have accumulated as a barrier to allowing a complete, unobstructed flow of love energy.

Although I work with the energy of love to heal others, I am also still healing myself. Even though love is the ultimate state and expression of the free soul, many of us carry with us the energy of fear. We are, quite simply, afraid to open up completely into what our egos tell us is the vulnerable state of love. We fear rejection. We fear that we will give love unconditionally and it will not be returned, or worse, we fear we will be betrayed by our love. Our fear creates patterns that are hard to break.

As a child I accepted that love was something that must be earned, even at the sacrifice of my inner truth. I wanted, like all children do, to be loved at all costs. To whom I gave my love to was a choice that I thought was not my own. As a result, love turned into a concept that was muddy and confusing. Love, for me, was complex and dangerous, and it often resulted in pain.

I traded love in for loyalty. I traded love to survive. Yet, still I loved in my desperate and silent way, sacrificing my inner-self along the way. I found myself loving the “wrong” family members, the “wrong” pet, the “wrong” friends and the “wrong” boys, and as a result I welcomed in the greedy energy of betrayal and pain. I was an easy target. When we consistently send out the message of, “I love you, but I must not deserve your love in return,” or “I want to love you, but I am afraid to,” we cannot fully receive the pure energy of love without the trappings of fear.

Through fear we impose a complexity to love that does not exist when love is in its pure, unconditional form. Although love is the highest, purest frequency of energy that exists, it often takes great courage to live in it fully. We, as humans, have complicated our world with fear and all its restraints and conditions. Breaking away from them can make us feel vulnerable, when, in reality, it opens up our inner strengths. It frees our trapped voices. It leads us to our pure, divine, essence.

When we embrace the truth that love is our truth; that love is our divine right to give and receive in pure form, we open ourselves to all of its gifts. Through the family I have created I have learned (and am still learning) this lesson. Love ripples back. It attracts to equal frequency. Pure, unconditional love, frees the soul’s truth. When we get there, we realize there are no constraints. We realize that there is no rejection or pain. We realize that it does not matter that our love cannot always be “returned” to match our frequency, not because we are unlovable, but because a fear exists that may not be our own.

Love, in reality, opens doors, it breaks barriers. When we live in the frequency of love, we free not only ourselves, but raise the collective energy of the world, helping to release the sticky web of fear.