The Rupture of the Mother Line and the Cost of Becoming Real

Exactly what I needed to read today. It’s likely, I’m not alone, so I’m sharing these wise words

Radio Interview with Brad Simkins – Life Is Just Another Class

Tune in tonight to hear my friend Karen Kubicko talk about her healing experiences with past life regression.

The Line at the Bubble (a chapter from my Y/A manuscript)

So, I’m trying to get back into the flow of writing my book for young adults (or adults and kids, whomever it appeals to!), and thought I’d share the working first chapter here. I would love to hear your thoughts. Does it capture your interest? Would you want to read more? Do you think your child would read it? Is this first chapter material, or would you expect this chapter somewhere else? And, just for fun, what do you think is going to happen next? What do you think this book is going to be about? Whatever you desire to share is welcome, and thanks for reading!

The Line at The Bubble

It was the second day of summer vacation. In two-and-a-half months Dell would be starting the eighth grade, but right now she was concentrating on the heat radiating from her hair. The water in the lake was warm for June, and the sun held reign over a cloudless sky, its heat sinking into her deep brown hair and turning the water that soaked it into vapor.

If Dell had a choice, she would live in the water. Dell’s mother liked to tell everyone that her daughter’s aqueous obsession was due to her birth. Instead of delivering in a hospital, Dell’s mother had decided to birth her first child in water, at a birthing center with a midwife.

“I wanted to make it like the environment inside the womb,” she told Dell. “You swam in my belly for nine months, it was only natural that I deliver you into water, where you could swim into your new world.”

Dell’s father, who had been a resident physician at the time of her birth, was less than thrilled with his wife’s insistence upon a water delivery, but had eventually relented. “We’ll only be five minutes from the hospital,” Dell’s mother told him. “Everything will be fine.”

And it was, Dell reflected as she floated. She had come to see her water birth as a gift. With her belly lifted to the sky, Dell thought about the lake’s ability to keep her body from sinking into the damp earth below. If she lowered her legs, she knew they would turn into an anchor, unless she moved them like she was peddling a bike. With her limbs spanned like an angel on the surface, and her chest lifted toward the sky, Dell could not sink. The water inside of her was in perfect balance with the water of the lake, and while she floated, suspended in liquid harmony, Dell forgot she was supposed to be unhappy.

That morning, Dell’s parents had announced over their plates of scrambled eggs and toast that they were moving to New Hampshire. Dell’s father had accepted a position at a small clinic not far from their summer home. He was to start his new job in late August, and they would be moving a few weeks before then, putting their house in Belmont, Massachusetts on the market and leaving their old life behind.

Dell was only somewhat saddened by the news. She would miss her home and her teachers, but she knew she wouldn’t miss some of her classmates. In the months before school let out for the summer, Dell had watched her two best friends shun her in favor of each other.

“It’s only natural,” her mother had said, when she told her that Lizzie and Sarah were no longer really her friends. “I’m sorry, honey, but three eventually becomes a crowd at your age.” “It happened to me,” she added as though this would comfort Dell.

Dell knew it was more than a simple selection of one friend in favor of another. During the winter she had won the top spot on the swim team over Sarah. Later, at a meet, Lizzie’s boyfriend had told her she looked great in a bathing suit, not realizing that Sarah had been within ear-shot. Dell was pretty certain that Sarah told Lizzie, after the meet, her own version of what had been said.

It had been a gradual fading, their friendship of three, but this didn’t make it less painful. Each time Dell saw Lizzie riding on the bus home beside Sarah, she felt a pang of envy and sadness. By spring she no longer bothered to sit with them at lunch, and they no longer asked her to. Instead, Dell would watch them from the length of the faux wood table as they giggled their secrets into each other’s ears, and wondered how many of them were about her.

In many ways, Dell concluded while she floated with her eyes closed to the sun, moving would be a blessing. She could start over in a new school where no one knew her, and there was the possibility of living on the lake. Her parents were thinking about renovating their summer cabin to make it a year-round home. They wanted to add a second floor, more insulation, and electric heat to supplement the wood stove. Maybe they would even put a windmill on the point of land over-looking the cove — they sure got enough wind — and add some solar panels to the roof.

Dell loved the idea of living at the lake year-round. In winter, if it got cold enough, she could skate on the frozen water, and her father promised they would try ice-fishing. Dell studied the trees framing the lake and imaged their leaves turning the color of flames. It would be beautiful and quiet here come fall, with most of the homes vacated until the weather warmed again.

A passing jet ski startled Dell out of her reverie and she shot its driver an annoyed grimace before she dove underwater. The murky world below the surface was revealed as Dell opened her eyes to the water. A sunfish darted past her as she swam to the lake bottom, her eyes catching on a black object jutting out of the sand. As Dell’s fingers touched its rough edges, she said a silent prayer that it wasn’t alive. If it was, she wouldn’t keep it.

The mussel released without effort when she tugged it from the sand. Dell studied the contours of the shell with her fingers and found a hole the size of a small pea. She knew the bivalve was no longer living, and brought it up to the surface. Now she had six. The shell was perfect aside from the small hole. The mother-of-pearl that lined its insides was an opalescent sheet of silk that shimmered in waves of violet, blue and white.

Dell carefully separated the shell at the hinge and returned the half without the hole to the lake. Her towel was hanging off one of the posts, and she grabbed it to dry her already browning skin, then wrapped it around her head like a turban. She picked up the shell-half with the small hole, and skipped up the stairs into the house.

On the sunporch five more half-shells from mussels gathered along the windowsill, catching the sunlight. Without really paying much attention to what she was doing, Dell took her newly acquired find and added it to her collection, rearranging the shells into a circular pattern, like the petals of a flower without a stamen, before she danced her way into the kitchen

“I’m starving,” she announced to no one in particular, as she opened the fridge and peered into its cool depths. The contents were disappointing. They desperately needed food, Dell concluded as she grabbed a Granny Smith apple.

Dell found her mother at the peak of land they called “The Point,” painting the lake in watercolors. “Can we go into town?”

As she studied her daughter, Dell’s mother brought the wooden end of her brush to her lips as though it were a pretzel. “Hmmm,” she nibbled the tip. “I suppose so. We could use some groceries. Is there something else you wanted in town?”

“Well I’d kill for some sushi, but Wolfboro isn’t exactly the place to buy it, is it?” Dell pulled her sunglasses over her eyes as she gazed at the water dancing in the sun’s light. “I’d settle for a grape-nut sundae at The Bubble.”

Dell knew her mother had a weakness for ice cream, and sure enough she started gathering her various painting supplies into her tote. “Go find your brother.”

Jack was where he usually was, in the middle of mounds of earth near the edge of the water. When Dell found him he was moulding sand to the height of his kneeling form.

“Great castle, buddy,” Dell appraised her brother’s handiwork. “Not bad for a six-year-old. Want to get some ice cream?”

“It’s a pyramid,” Jack frowned at his sister.

The line at The Bubble snaked down the street in a rainbow of bodies of various sizes and shapes, many clad only in bathing suits.

“Boy, you’d think it was the 4th of July,” Dell’s mom muttered as they took their places at the end of the queue.

Dell didn’t care that there were at least fifteen people in front of her. When she really wanted something, she pushed aside discomfort until she got it. Besides, she liked to people-watch, and standing in an ice cream line was the perfect excuse to be a voyeur.

While Jack skipped around their mother, tugging at her arms and asking when their turn would come, Dell studied the early summer crowd. She recognized at least half of the faces, but realized she didn’t know most of their names. Sure, she had a few summer friends who had houses on the lake, but during the three years since her parents’ had bought their summer home, she had made little effort to meet any of the people who lived in town.

When Dell’s eyes made their way to the front of the line, they stopped at a tall boy wearing one of those wide-brimmed fishing hats they sell at places like L.L. Beans and Cabela’s. It was navy blue, covering most of the boy’s hair and shading his forehead. He was paying for his cone, and as he turned away from the window Dell watched him lick his ice cream, then lift his eyes to meet hers.

“What are you looking at?”

Her mother’s words broke the energy that held her gaze to the boy’s. In those few seconds, Dell had forgotten everything but the color of his eyes. They were like the flaming sun in a cloudless sky. They were like nothing she had ever seen before.

Dell’s mother, not waiting for her daughter’s reply, located the object of her reverie by following the former trajectory of her gaze.

“Well, he’s cute, isn’t he?”

Normally, Dell would blush and roll her eyes, but it hadn’t occurred to her that the boy was cute. He was, she realized, but it seem insignificant. Somewhere deep within her, Dell knew this boy whom she had never met. And, Dell realized, as he stared back at her with an equal intensity, he knew her too.

Going With The Flow Of Life

A lovely reminder…

inspiringyourspirit's avatarEndless Light and Love

surfs up

In Taoism the Tao ‘Wu Wei’ is often compared to a river. When we talk about going with the flow, we are describing the Tao as having a definitive direction, just like a river flowing in a certain way. Since we live in the Tao, it is important to understand its direction, just as those who swim in a river must understand how its currents work and how this effects their ability to swim, or not.

Moving in flow with the Tao is like swimming downstream. It requires little or no effort at all and you can travel a large distance in a very short time without expending all your energy. Moving against the Tao is like swimming upstream. No matter how hard you try and how hard you swim against the flow of the river, you will struggle to get anywhere and very soon you become exhausted and will…

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The Journey of Your Soul – Your Soul Splits into 16 parts… not 2!

fascinating…

The Journey of Your Soul – Your Soul Splits into 16 parts… not 2!.

“Caring” and “Sharing” with a Narcissist

Another great post about narcissistic behavior:

“Caring” and “Sharing” with a Narcissist.

The purification process has begun! – How to tame the incoming energies, feel at peace and regain your balance quickly and efficiently

Wonderful, in-depth information and tools on how to deal with the changing energies we’re experiencing right now:

annamerkaba's avatarSacred Ascension - Key of Life - Secrets of the Universe

the purification process

Yesterday the whole day as soon as I would close my eyes I would see a whole lot of angels swirling around me. I was shown many visions of what is to come. Many light beings are already here on earth and more are descending by the second. I was told that the clearing and purification process has begun! They are working relentlessly to prepare everyone for what is to come starting April 15th.

Many of you may find yourself floating through space, time may begin to speed up for you and then slow down significantly. What happened in the morning may appear to you as if it has been a few days since. Your body may begin to ache in various places, joints, muscles and heart are all greatly effected right now. Especially the HEART. Many of you may begin to feel heart palpitations. Please know that this is a…

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The Other Side of the Rainbow

Rainbow

I was a child of Doubt. I don’t remember playing with imaginary friends or fairies. I don’t remember believing in angels or a Universal Life Force/God. But, I wanted to, secretly. Everything I was told was not “real,” I imagined to exist. Inside the silence of my mind I created tiny winged beings flying amid the flowers. In the dark quiet of my bedroom I felt the heavy breath of spirits lurking beside me while I tried to sleep. Sometimes, secretly, I talked to a God I was told did not exist.

I think some of us need to forget in order to remember. I forgot who I was and where I came from at an early age, before memory imprints itself into the folds of the brain. Many of us forget our true, spiritual selves by the age of 7. As we learn to live in the world of our parents’ and society’s creation, we shed the aspects of self that do not conform to our perceived surroundings. The spirit guides, angels and fey that we used to play and commune with disappear into the invisible realm as our eyes close to the brilliance of frequencies too high to sustain belief.

There are moments, filled with a desperate hope, when I wish I could bring it all back, not so much for me, as I am remembering now what I have forgotten, but for my children and all children of our world who are forgetting. I wonder, as I looked at my practical preteen who loves fashion and sports, what happened to my little girl who used to close her eyes in pure bliss while she played and danced with “Raina.” When did my little boy stop going to sleep in room filled with colors only he could see? I didn’t intentionally will my children to lose their connection to the world of Spirit, but somehow, with the help of the artificial world we live in, I witnessed my children let go of the rainbow of magic.

How do I bring back their access to the realm of Spirit? Our children are brought up to believe in magic that is not real, only to discover that Santa Claus does not slide down the chimney on Christmas Eve, the Easter Bunny does not bring baskets of chocolates and toys, and the Tooth Fairy is not the one who saves their lost teeth. We do.

I struggle to make sense of a world of hypocrisy, while trying to retrieve for my children the real magic of life. We live in a world that has learned to fear the unseen forces that move through and around us. We do not trust what we can’t see, so we pretend it does not exist. Yet most of us believe in a universal life force from whence we all came into being. Why, then, is it so difficult for us to believe in a universal energy of Love? Why is it so difficult to believe that we are surrounded by sentient beings who share the same life force energy, as well as our innate desire for balance and love?

I have photographed my children dancing with fairies in the summer rain. I have channeled reiki energy into their restless bodies when they have struggled with sleep. Yet, they doubt what they don’t see. They doubt what is not commonly talked about on the TV, in classrooms, or among friends. I see my children’s struggle, I share it too. I am the “weird” mother they are both in awe of, and somewhat embarrassed by. In some ways it’s much easier for them to call me a writer, than it is to call me a healer who talks with and channels Spirt in myriad forms. I get it, though. I was that child too.

 

The Wild Feline: Night Hunter & Source of Divine Feminine Power #dreams #catsymbolism #divinefeminine

Wild cat
A Wild Cat in Captivity

I was going to write about the mouse as a messenger, but it was the cat in wild form who came to me last night. She appeared spotted in orange and gold, waiting for me to see her as I was pulled out of one distressing dream into another.

When I opened Ted Andrew’s book Animal Speak this morning, I knew why the feline messenger had made her presence known. Regarding the panther/leopard, he writes that she is a sign of “reclaiming one’s true power.” I had gone to sleep feeling frustratingly powerless. In truth, it was not a major event that caused me to feel this way, but my “feelings” about the matter, which underlies the crux of every issue, were part of a deeper fear that needed my attention.

It’s little wonder my dreams were full of loss, the first heart-wrenching, followed by a series of events that seemed to spiral just beyond my control. When I woke I realized the circumstance that had so irritated me and made me feel powerless the night before were minor in comparison to the journeys of my dreams. It was suddenly no big deal, I knew I could easily find a solution.

All cats, both wild and domestic, carry the wisdom of the night. They connect us to our psychic gifts, which are birthed out of our yin energy, also known as the source of our divine feminine wisdom. My messenger, as I mentioned above, was spotted. I had seen her before, a couple of years ago, in twinned form. She was young, but now she seemed older.

Each spot on the wild cat’s body was like an eye, pulling me within. Andrews writes, “All cats have binocular vision, magnifying images, and facilitating judgment of distances.” (pg. 295) My visitor wore a body of eyes the colors of the 2nd and 3rd chakras, pulling me into the fire inside as she reminded me that I am never powerless if I choose not to be.

The panther/leopard can signal a time of rebirth. As Andrews writes, “old longstanding wounds will finally begin to heal, and with the healing will come a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of wounding.” (pg. 297) My dreams last night brought me back to my childhood and adolescence, to struggles where I gave away my power to my family and classmates. As the wild cat in my dream quietly stood by in observation, she reminded me it was time to reclaim what I had once given away.

For those of us who are used to having our power stripped away from us, it can be a frightening experience to reclaim what we have lost. The fear that our gifts will be ripped out of us lurks inside our memories, and we doubt our strength and abilities. Most of us never come close to knowing what powerful creators we are, especially women. We have learned to fear what makes us strong, because others have feared the brilliant flame that yearns for light inside of us. The panther/leopard/jaguar appears to quietly lead us home. She wears the powerful stealth of night, hunting her prey with a strength and skill not easily matched.

“The panther holds the promise of rebirth and guardianship throughout. It is the extra protection we need at those times. It is the symbol of power reclaimed from whatever darkness within our life has hidden it.” (Andrews, pg. 298)