Sometimes we need to stop and assess. To pause and figure out where we are in relation to the past, the present, and the future so that we can progress.

Here we are now, metaphorically paralyzed, in a tangle of time. Threaded with anxiety about the future, we attempt to unravel our humanity weighted by the mistakes of our past.

Again.

The other day, I found myself returning to the origins of my blog, and why I renamed it, years ago, to “The Light Behind the Story.” I thought about where I existed in this folded continuum of time and where I exist in the bigger “we” of human existence as I watch our collective history repeat itself.

And, I thought about why we seem to cycle, over and over again, back to the hold. Holding tight to our darkness as we snuff out our light.

Why do we choose hate over love?

Why do we choose to believe lies over truth?

Why do we follow, with blind faith, the immoral would-be leader?

I need to search my own story alongside our collective stories for answers. Nothing is revelatory, yet there is a persistent nagging of what cannot be overlooked.

A need for inclusion.

A need for acceptance.

A need to be a part of a collective for fear of being rejected as the “other.”

When I follow the threads backwards, I see myself as the other, and as the collective. I see myself as the blind follower, and the outcast. I see myself searching, over and over again, for definition, for unity, for wholeness. And it is through these points of struggle to define myself that I can achieve a greater sense of the struggle that permeates our collective “we,” even if I cannot understand the specificities of why.

Why the choice to hold on stubbornly to immortality.

Why the persistence of virulent amnesia and denial?

Why is there a pervasive refusal to remember the hard lessons of the past in order to not repeat them?

Here, I find only the false backbones of pride and hate, and they both trouble me. From this precarious structure, I need to widen my gaze to the horizon to see the light beyond the shadows. I need to gaze into the vast expanse of blue and believe in the power of truth.