“I Will Send You Birds” #lifeafterdeath #signsfromspirit

A robin nesting in a lilac outside my window. I did not take photos of the robins two days ago. I just watched them in wonder, flying and gathering on the holly bush outside my window. Too many to count.

There were many moments after Sue Vincent passed away when I allowed myself to slip into the agony of the mundane. You might think agony is a strong word to use for the mundane, but let me try to explain why I chose this descriptor.

I believe we are birthed opening our eyes to wonder. We leave the vast infinite expanse of connection to experience individuality, but with the hope of holding onto the magic of being. We are not simply cells collected into a body to experience a finite existence, we are being itself. The most basic laws of physics tell us that our energy cannot be destroyed, yet how often do we allow ourselves to slip into the agony of the mundane doubting the magic of our infinite existence?

There are many things that remind me of this slip. Facebook’s algorithm pops up old photos and quotes from the years when I was wrapped in the magic of wonder. Blog posts reappear on my sidebar reminding me that the magic of life I recorded received more likes than the agony of the mundane. And, most importantly, the constriction of the cells within my body remind me that I am a body of wonder waiting to be expressed, again. Over and over again.

This is life.

Sue was, in many ways, a gateway to wonder for me. We met through wonder. I dreamt of the cosmic eye, and then she appeared. Soon after, I saw a vision of a hexagram, and it was Sue who nudged the opening of its magic. Sue came into my life at just the right moment. I needed a teacher and a guide to help me open to the labyrinth of light that threads through life, and together we traveled through time to find that connection. Sue was, literally, a gateway to magic. And when she passed, I mourned her with a fierceness I had not expected. I didn’t want to let that magic go.

And, of course, I didn’t have to. 

When I was working on the first chapters of Keys to the Heart I sent a passage to Sue for her input. The only thing she suggested I change was the use of the phrase, “of course.” I heeded her advice and erased the phrase each time I had used it, and made sure I omitted the impulse when it arose as I continued to write the book after her passing. With one exception, the dedication page.

“For Sue, of course.”

I can see her smiling. I can see that wrap of feathers she wore lifted into wings. I can see the wren, and the owl. The raven and the kite. And, two days ago, when I revealed the cover of my new book, I saw robins. Dozens of them. The most I have ever seen gathered together. In the middle of January. Outside my window. All day. Robins. The bird of birth and spring. It could not have been more fitting.

“I will send you birds.”

After Sue passed, and I began to question whether the thread of our connection still existed, Sue appeared to me during meditation. “I will send you birds,” she told me.

And so she has.

Of course.

The Feather

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It was an impromptu decision. I was desperate for something to do, the kids bored and magnetized too long to their respective screens. We ate a hasty lunch, took the dogs for a quick walk down the road and threw some snacks and water bottles in the car. The three of us were on our way to the Polar Caves.

Even though we were driving to a waterless destination while the temperature was rising closer and closer to unbearably warm, I was simply happy we had all agreed on something to do.  I hadn’t thought too much about the significance of where we were going, until hour later, not even when I saw the feather.

It was in the truck in back of me. Looming large and proud, the feather pointed  toward the sky and nestled up against the cab in the back of the truck. Wow, that’s a large feather, I thought to myself, How odd that it’s in the back of that truck. Still, I thought Isn’t it beautiful. I marveled at the detail, how I could see the individual veins, and the way the white gave way to a crest of gray-black. It looked so real!

What I strange thing to have in the bed of a truck I thought as it pulled into the left-hand lane to pass me,   fake feather, like a flag. I looked at the truck again, now in front of me. Two narrow, brown cylinders rested against the cab, bearing no resemblance to a feather whatsoever.

I put the feather out of my mind as we pulled into the Polar Caves entrance and tumbled out into the dripping heat. I had, after all, two kids to watch and a series of caves to crawl through that would test my endurance for confined spaces. It was a quick trip, the three of us making our way through the loop of caves in the cliffs in just under an hour in our effort to compete with the crowd and the heat above ground. Ironically, there was still, in the middle of July, a thick slab of winter ice slowly melting in one of the caves. I could have stayed down there all day, if not for the kids, the line of people behind me, and my claustrophobia threatening to consuming me if I lingered more than two seconds without moving toward light.

It wasn’t until hours later, when I was back home walking the dogs around the block after yoga class, that I let the feather return to me to be mulled over in my mind, the mind that appeared to be playing tricks on me. The feather, I realized, had been pointed up as though in a headdress. I thought back to the Polar Caves, and then it hit me. It was a sign, even if its message was illusory. I thought about how the mind sometimes sees things that aren’t really there, but rarely by accident. I call these images, messages from the world of Spirit, or our Higher Selves. I had, I realized seen a feather for a reason, and seemed fitting that I had been on my way to an old Native American site. I was pretty sure I knew which of my guides was trying to reach me.

 

Butterfly

If I could I would paint you a picture, but I’ll have to settle for words. Right now, as I write, I also watch two robins work to build a nest out of my lilac bush.  I am reminded again of black and orange.

Yesterday morning my body needed to rest, so I placed my cloudy head against the pillow of my couch. Right side facing down. The side that ached. But, in truth it seemed my entire body was out of balance. I thought I might throw-up. I thought I might faint. I thought I might have a migraine. I had just read my mother’s email, which said nothing upsetting. Still, my body reacts to her energy. Long before she sends her words I know when she is thinking about me. Recall “Weight of Water”.

As I rested, drifting in that space between waking and dream, a picture flashed inside my brain. From a branch filled with deep pink blossoms, a butterfly emerged with orange wings veined in black.

I’ve been thinking a lot about butterflies since I began to see them appearing in the forest two months ago. The first butterfly I saw was brown with ivory tipped wings. It was so early, only the 20th of March.  I thought for sure it was a fairy, only realizing later that it didn’t matter. Weeks turned into months, as I watched more butterflies appear and follow me along my walks, heedless of the dogs, even Rosy who joyously tried to chase them into the shadows.

Butterfly is perhaps the most overt symbol of transformation. An earthbound caterpillar slowly eats its way through vegetation, growing until its body is ready for change. Inside the womb of a chrysalis the caterpillar’s body dissolves into a sea of cells that reorganize to form a new being. Colors dissolve and new colors emerge. Wings form. The creature that emerges, although of the Earth, is no longer bound to it. When it desires to, it can take flight and experience the unencumbered element of air.

What though, of the vision sent to me as I rested my unbalanced body?  The pink blossoms I see as the chrysalis of the heart. From the pink womb of the heart our true selves are born, and when we allow them, they emerge. My butterfly was orange. The color of the 2nd, sacral chakra, the seat of our basic emotions and our creativity. When it is imbalanced our bodies react. Our minds cloud over. When it is humming with health, it allows us to create from our truths.

The butterfly was veined in black, symbolic of the source of all creation. When I asked my guides what they wanted me to learn from this vision, they told me it was time for me to “Wake up that which was latent.”