Tag: mental health

A Place We Can All Call Home #belonging #connection #nature

On By Alethea KehasIn Reflections8 Comments

In dreams at night I explore belonging. Often, I return to school to discover the outcast searching for acceptance. In my quest for knowledge inside the confines of the walled classrooms I encounter the angst of rejection, over and over again. Belonging becomes possible only when I step outside and become immersed with nature. Here I am held, without inhibition, in the open arms of a mother-teacher who offers no judgement. Unconfined, I discover I am connected to the magic of existence.

Is this not true for all of us? Consider, for a moment, the irritable child struggle to learn inside a walled classroom who is then let outside to run and play without restraints, limitations, or conditions. If you can no longer remember that child as you, allow yourself to become that inner child. Step outside with wonder. Explore. Interact. Discover. Uncover. Open. When we find a safe place in nature to be ourselves, transformation occurs in a manner that brings us closer to the joy of belonging and acceptance.

Infinite possibilities for joy occur when nature is not a forced interaction, but an opportunity for individual exploration. Nature does not ask us for conformity, but for the space to expand and grow. In nature, the strange mingles with the expected. In nature, beauty and the beast coexist as equal partners, and hierarchy becomes a web of interdependence.

There is both science and metaphysics that come into play when we recognize our place of belonging to the natural world. In nature, our heart rates regulate to the mother-pulse of Earth, our emotions become more grounded, and our bodies destress. This is all scientific. We are of nature, and being intimately connected to nature is essential to our wellbeing.

Nature, though, also awakens a deeper sense of connection that moves into the metaphysical. It offers us an opportunity to explore the magic of wonder that expands beyond the sensory. When we open ourselves to the mysteries of the natural world, we realize we are infinite beings playing in a landscape of infinite dimensions. We look to the sky and find our origins. Beneath our feet, we feel our roots. Our breath weaves the air of life through our lungs and back out into the invisible expanse to find another body to nourish. Our mouths feed upon the cells of primordial life, and our bodies repurpose the nutrients into new growth. Sometimes, when we are still enough, we can observe the dance of the untethered spirit, reminding us of the temporary force of gravity. When we feel into the universal hum of life, we can feel the web of light that connects us, always.

Summer’s End

On By Alethea KehasIn Reflections22 Comments
Photo taken in July at the Rachel Carson Wildlife Preserve in Wells, Maine

It’s nearly the end of summer, and almost three months since my last blog post. Now and then I thought about stopping to write, but I abandoned the idea for various reasons. During this fiery season, Life has wrapped her joy and loss around me in a shroud that has caused a fair amount of processing and examination. I suspect I am not alone. We are each trying to navigate this labyrinth of uncertainty where kindness is woven into cruelty as love reaches out her arms to marry hate. Asking, perhaps in each moment, how much can be held at once.

This yogi meditating troll can be found at the Southern Maine Botanical Gardens in Boothbay, Maine.

My individual journey this summer has led me to an acceptance without resignation. My eagerness to push my long-held dream of creating a wellness sanctuary in nature into reality has caused me to face disappointments and realizations that initially felt monumental, but which were in reality merely pauses and opportunities to reassess and redirect. In early August, the month of my birth, I lost a beloved canine companion, Zelda, and was pushed out moved on from a soul-crushing job.

Zelda enjoying her final nap at the lake that she loved

There is a period of unease, an adjustment to unsettlement, that comes with a series of sudden changes, especially unexpected ones. We learn during these times what forms and defines us. We learn what needs to release before the rebuilding begins. I am getting used to the gifts of a quieter house as I scrub away the stains and welcome in the autumn air. I am finding comfort in the gift of solitude, and this time offered for letting go the hold of unfounded fears.

Sunset, Edgecomb, Maine

There is a profound peace the rises when one sits with potential. The stirrings of magic that bubble up through the strata of self is nothing other than joy. Suddenly the palette becomes infinite, the canvas without borders. The human mind, its only limitation. Or maybe it’s not in fact the mind, but its emotions. Letting go of the known and embracing the yet-to-be-defined is not without entanglements. Yet we do not go through life without support even when we believe the structure has collapsed.

A monarch butterfly outside my front door

The losses that have come along my path this summer have not been catastrophic, but they have nudged me towards reclaiming my origin story. They have brought me back to residing with my truth and not something that has been manufactured out of fear. The summer has gifted me with the opportunity to open to something that is still being defined. The imaginal cells are stirring, they are finding bonds, they are starting to form their potential. As always, life it is to-be-continued.

Examining the Archetypes of Narcissist and Sycophant through the Lens of my Childhood

On By Alethea KehasIn Memoir, Reflections4 Comments
A sign (not mine) from yesterday’s “No Kings” rally in Concord, NH

It is likely my personal experiences are not so different, in some ways, than yours. I don’t think there is a person who exists without having experienced, to some degree, the effects of narcissism. We all know a bully, and perhaps we have been the bully at one point. We all have the capacity to harm, to allow harm to occur to others, and to cling to false truths. What factors inform our lives shape who we become and the values we cling to. We don’t have to be psychologists to examine our lives and the effects we have on others, as well as the effects they have on us. Sometimes, though, it helps to have a professional’s perspective.

For example, it didn’t label my childhood experiences as abusive until my therapist slipped the word “abuse” into one of our sessions. I was in my mid-thirties. In some ways, it is shocking, even alarming, that it took me so long to come to this realization. I am sharing my story because I believe it is far more common than it should be. And, I think my personal experiences help me to understand my frustration with people who celebrate narcissists who are cruel and heartless, and who we sometimes elevate to the role of leaders who would be kings.

I lived with a would-be-king growing up. My childhood, adolescence, and young adult years were informed by his wishes, and I learned to comply at an early age. To obey, and even praise his rule of law. I knew if I did not, there would be consequences, often physical ones. It didn’t matter (although it did), that his rules were often illogical, often cruel, and always controlling. “Don’t flush toilet paper if you just go pee.” “Don’t close doors, not even your bedroom or the bathroom.” “Don’t grow your fingernails and never paint them.” “You can’t ride in the car with me without conversation.” “You must show interest in what I do.” “You must call me your father and refer to your birthfather by his name only.” “You must do what I say.” Always there were consequences if not. The strong hand grasping my throat, silencing my words into submission. Fingerprints left on skin. The booming voice racing the heart back to fear.

But I never knew this was of living was really not okay until someone outside of his reign told me. A professional I could trust. You see, living under the rule of narcissism often comes with complicity. My mother was, and still is, his greatest sycophant. I also lived with her words. “You are so lucky.” “We should be grateful.” “He saved us.” “You have a good childhood.” “He feels bad when you don’t call “dad.” “He gets sad when he feels left out.” “He had done so much for us/you.” Etc, Etc.

And so I believed all of it. Every word of hers became my truth due to my own need to be loved and accepted. To feel secure and safe, even when I was anything but. I elevated the narcissist who ruled my life to the statues of hero and savior, because that’s who he was in his eyes, and in the eyes of my mother, the person who I worshiped, loved, and adored above everyone else.

I wonder how many people have stories like mine? Different circumstances, but similar effects? When I was a teenager, I witnessed the harmful effects of narcissism and bullying through my peers. Who has not? Those that wanted to feel more special than others inflicting their cruelty and dominion to be elevated in social status. The sycophants who followed their lies and took them for truth so that they would not become the bullied. So common.

I believe our personal and collective traumas allow us to perpetuate these patters without realizing how harmful they are. My own mother, when confronted by me with evidence, averted her gaze to the window and asked, “Where was I?” How frustrating and heartbreaking those words were to hear knowing she was there, always there, to bear witness. Yet, she carries the burdens of her own traumas. I know this, because they informed my childhood too. I grew up with her personal stories of abuse and took her wounds into my body. By default, I became her confidant, as well as her protector. As did my sister.

What child does not love their mother beyond logic? And so I use my personal stories and trauma during these challenging, global times to try to understand what is seemingly beyond logic. On the other hand, I allowing limitations to what I will tolerate. I will not condone atrocities and complicity. I will stand up for what is right and be a voice, when I am able to, for those who need one. I will move continue to move through discomfort to find courage despite the trauma of consequences I still hold in my body. I do this, because I know I am not alone. There are people, much braver than I, battling for truth, kindness and unconditional love.

Broken but still whole #2024election #grief #yoga

On By Alethea KehasIn Classes, Reflections, yoga15 Comments
Try these sounds to work through heavy emotions. Start with fear, move through anger, then anxiety and grief. End with a self hug.

I created the above image this morning, and posted it on my social media. Currently it has 15K views on TikTok. I’m surprised, but I’m not. This week, many of our deepest emotions have risen to the surface in the aftermath of the 2024 US election. Half the country is celebrating in bold, proud displays of MAGA pride, the other half is experiencing the trauma of shock, and an ungrounding mixture of fear, anger, anxiety and grief. We are in a stating of mourning and uncertainty. We are broken, but still whole.

For many, the everyday routine has become something that feels tenuous and fragile. The constant pounding of hatred has broken the hope that threaded the fabric of our collective humanity. We are broken, but still whole.

We need to find the frayed pieces. We need to find a way to sew the seams back together to find a feeling of unity. We need to find the goodness of common ground.

“Hello darkness my old friend. I’ve come to talk to you again,” this song of silence has words. We know it well. We have been here before. So many times we have cycled into our darkness, and once again, we are being asked to thread the light back into our collective story.

“We can do hard things,” because we’ve done them before. We can find “Goodness in common ground.” We can find “the light behind the story.” We have to, because we must.

It is a time of mourning and processing. It is a time of self-care and caring for others. Check on yourself, your friends, your family, your neighbors and your peers. If you are struggling, please ask for help. There are so many doors opened in kindness. Seek them out. There are more than ever. Be one of them.

If you don’t know what that door looks like right now, trust that its definition will form. I am relying on trust and faith. Navigating uncharted waters requires us to find the strength within, and the knowing that the way will find us.

I am also offering a free Zoom this evening, at 7pm EST. All are welcome. It’s spur of the moment, but that’s the nature of these uncharted waters. If you or anyone you know is struggling right now, please know this door is open to you. We will be working with the yoga and sound to process our emotions and find a greater sense of peace in these uncertain times.

Together we can find our way. One breath. One day at a time.