I Dream of Laundry, Resisting Letting Go #dreams #denial #death

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Another night passes fitfully, laden with soiled laundry, much of which is not my own. Each night I slip into uneasy sleep only to find myself sorting soiled clothes of family and sometimes strangers in homes that I once lived in. Washing. Ever-washing to try to get them clean of the stains left behind.

There are always machines waiting to spin the soiled garments clean. Sometimes too many to the point of the absurd. Homes becoming laundromats to cleanse the filth of the outer layers worn to shield the inner. The symbolism does not escape me, yet the dreams continue and I must ask myself why I turn backwards, again, to release the stains of the past.

If you study the mysteries, you may be familiar with the symbolism of robes/clothing worn to cover up, or mask, the true self. We often hide what we don’t want others to see, but most importantly, what we don’t want to see ourselves. Yet what resides inside the layers needs no washing.

Stripping ourselves naked requires trust and vulnerability. And it requires faith and letting go.

Each night as I pour through the soiled garments, a stack of towels waits for me. Their surfaces colored with floral blooms, drawing my eyes to their tall stacks. Yet the towels will do nothing for the garments, and I have yet to strip bare and immerse myself in a body of water to find my own cleansing. To release and rebirth.

Instead, I travel back through past homes, even though they are no longer mine. Seeking belonging, no doubt, but also approval. Acceptance. Healing. “Heal me,” my mother begs, showing me a leg riddled with arthritis, her face grotesquely distorted, too big for life and thrust too close for comfort against mine. How can I say no? She is my mother after all. The one who birthed me in this lifetime.

Sometimes life seems more cruel than kind to the human mind that tries to find reason and logic. If I could collapse time it would be by thousands of years and not a mere lifetime of long months. I would go to the place of heather and stone and find the one who wears the feathered cloak and embrace home.

I know why I am sorting through these endless garments soiled by life each night, yet I cannot quite let go of them. “It’s time,” they tell me, and I want to shout back, “I am not ready to let go of her, though.”

“You will and you must. Just like the bird trapped inside your porch, you will release this tie to life. Just as you must release the others that hold you back.”

The wren appears in uncanny ways, surprising me with her visits in the daytime. “I will never be truly gone,” she reminds me, but I want to hold her. To cup her feathered body against my heart. Just once, before I let her go.

Letting Go of Constriction

One of my favorite things to do is channeled spirit readings. It’s a marvelous practice in stillness. When one quiets the mind and allows the higher self to come through, a divine channel is opened. Quite often I find there is a universality to the messages that want to come through, and so I thought it would be fun to share some of them here, under a new category “Spirit Channelings.” The first in this series, below, came through when I paused to consider the constriction I felt in my third chakra this morning.

swallowtail butterfly on white lilac
Swallowtail drinks from the nectar of life

When the mind doubts, the belly constricts. In order to move beyond the constriction, the mind must envision the full potential of being. The vast and limitless expanse of the human being that knows no bounds set by limitations of the self. You see, it is always a struggle inside the internal mind that holds back the life that wants to be lived. The past often creeps in to take its old hold on you. Even though it is no longer real, its energy within you still lives. It likes to feed on the life of potential, holding you back (in time). Holding you in a state where you used to live, and refusing to free you into the state of potential; of true becoming.

Gourd photograph
A gourd plant reaches tendrils to the light to grow new life

So, this is partly a matter of letting go the hold of the past, which is no easy matter as many of you know. The tendrils of time creep through space to make a home in the mind and pull it back. Imagine taking pruning shears and cutting each one, and sending their roots back to earth where they grow a new, unencumbered life. Imagine the freedom, with your breath, of cutting yourself free, one tendril at a time, and feel the expanse of limitless space. You are breathing in the now of your existence, where no time can hold you. Do not allow your mind to reach for the shadows of doubt, but only the possibility of light. This is freedom from limitation. This is the expansive palette of true becoming. What you create is up to you.



For more information on my channeled readings and other services, please visit my website https://aletheakehas.com