An Ego’s Stream of Consciousness

Sometimes I crave a glorious battle

To rage and wage a war with another

But to what end? To inflict my pain on

the other whom I believe has caused it?

To even a playing field that has been

trampled on one side? Then we can be

equal in vengeance and strife. Equal

players in the game of justice. To achieve

peace inside. Fool, I say, you harbor

malice for no purpose than to starve

love. The light inside dims to hatred

the desire to show another who is

right and who is wrong; who is better

or worse; who deserves glory when

what you really want is more love

Look inside. Shed the armor. Who

are you protecting? Why do you hide?

No one can stop your light from shining

except the darkness of your own demons

The Ego

IMG_1104When I think of the ego, the Rider Tarot image of The Chariot comes to mind. That embodiment of masculine energy. In the card, we find a man sitting solidly on a throne in front of a background of civilization. He is a master of the mind, and the yellow energy of power colors the empty space surrounding him. Where will the chariot take him?

The obvious destination appears to be power. But power over what? The self? Society? What is the goal of the ego?

In tarot, there is a progression towards the ultimate union of masculine and feminine energies to achieve a weightless balance. Boundaries are blurred into an untethered soul who knows only the dance of divine truth. Can we get there without ego? Can we get there without all the cards that proceed it?

Perhaps. But, ego does have purpose. He drives us forward through that 3rd chakra. He gives us a path to voice. Notice the curtains of blue folded beside the figure, and the blue wings of truth balancing that yellow orb, opening like a book.

Ego moves us forward. He drives us. But at what cost? At some point we need to let go of the reins and allow power to give way to balance. To connection. It is not coincidental that the figure depicted on the tarot card is alone, his back turned toward society. The ego drives us forward, but it is a solo journey. Eventually, the heart will seek connection.

The ego wears armor, the untethered soul dances in the air of truth inside a shere of heart energy.

Stepping into Joy

I love Denise Linn and her wisdom. Today these words of hers appeared on my FB wall, “When you step into your joy, you’ll recognize the need to release people that consistently make you feel anything less. Be your own fierce protector.”

The more light we let in, the less room there is for pain. Pockets of dense matter suddenly start breaking away. But, it is not always an easy process. In my last blogs I have  spoken of my struggle to heed the urgings of my guides and their messages that have often come through so strongly in my dreams and meditations. Recognizing that I have immersed myself and my family in an environment that I had tried to believe was premised on love and community, but was really dominated by the undertones of fear, has been difficult, at best.

These last few weeks I have struggled to break free. I have felt anger, sadness, guilt and remorse. I have felt alone, as the resistance extends to my family. But I have also felt the undertones of freedom and my own personal power. I know that sometimes relationships are meant to end, having served out their purposes, it is time to move on. Yet, sometimes we need to be “fierce” in our approach to break free from an environment that we now recognize as abusive. The other people involved will not see themselves in the same way we now perceive them, as they are still living in that place trapped by pain. They will often try to keep your ties firmly knotted, so that you remain in a place of less light. It makes them feel better. It makes their pain bodies feel powerful.

I also know that I have benefitted from these circumstances. Each is a lesson; a chance to grow and move to a place of more light and healing. More light seeps into the pockets of pain, breaking away the dense energy that has been trapped. I am reminded that when we are called to move beyond a place of pain, all parties benefit, even if it is not recognized. The worst thing we can do is to stay in an effort to protect the egos of others. We must have the courage to see beyond to the soul, realizing that when we act from the seat of our heart, we can only help the souls of others.