The Number 5

When the number 5 comes into my life, whether in dreams, a memory, or as a number that appears throughout a particular day, I think of self-empowerment, independence and the “free soul” (as Denise Linn refers to the number in her book, The Hidden Power of Dreams). When I think of the number 5, the color blue comes to mind: the color of the throat chakra, self-expresison and inner truth.

The number 5, of course, also represents a physical age. When we are 5, we are, ideally, just coming into the expression of our independence and personal truths. By the age of 5, most of us are able to feed ourselves, tie our own shoes, go to school, and express our minds with clarity and conviction. A 5 yr. old child is still close enough to the world of spirit to remember, to believe and to see.

When one wishes to heal and reclaim his or her Inner Truth, it is often beneficial, if not essential, to reclaim the inner child. I have found that the age of 5 is a good place to start. There have been many events, and numbers in the form of ages, that have been essential to my own life journey, and for the healing of my inner truth, but I can think of none more important than 5. Let me share a snapshot of this child who still lives inside of me.

Picture, if you will, a pretty little girl with deep blue eyes and wavy hair the color of ripened wheat resting past her shoulders. She has the round cheeks of a baby and a dimple on her chin, and, sometimes, she has a smile that lights up her face. The little girl, Alethea, has just moved to Henniker, NH with her  mother, older sister, and a man who is trying to replace the father she has left behind in Oregon.

Alethea loves playing with her dolls and her two cats. She loves her best friend in kindergarten with the soft brown eyes and curls, her sister and her mother, but she’s not sure she loves her new father. Alethea misses her small white house in Portland with its TV and indoor toilet. She misses her friends and her grandparents, but she knows she is not supposed to miss the father they left behind.

The little girl knows inside her heart that fairies play under the clusters of star flowers, but she has already forgotten how to see them. The magic of her world is fading quickly, being replaced by fear, secrets and doubt. By the time she turns 6, Alethea forgets she has her own voice.

This 5 year old child, in many ways, shaped the woman I became. She is the little girl I see when I need to heal my inner child. The more I heal, the more radiant she becomes. Now, instead of a  small child hovering inside the shadows of doubt and fear, I see a magnificent little girl full of joy and love. She sparkles with possiblity. She sings with the clear voice of her truth.

Reclaiming the “free soul,” is a journey of many steps. Sometimes when one aspect is healed, another appears to take its place, reaching with desperate hands for light. Healing can come in many forms. Writing is one of them. If you want to learn who you are, a good place to start is by rediscovering who you were at 5.  Write down everything your remember. Write what you loved. Write what you feared. Write your sorrows. Your joys. Write what you believed in. Write your truth.

Lament

This morning I find myself sitting beside  a stove where fire melts wet wood, and provides a warm contrast to the wonderfully white world outside my window. I am thankful for the heat, the beauty, and the quite solitude that blesses my morning, yet here I am writing about lament.

Lament was the subject of the poem that came to me as I gazed at the falling snow. I barely thought about its meaning as I scribbled down the flow of words. Moments later, I paused to check Facebook, and there it was, a friend’s lament over missed chances; over not heeding her inner voice, until, she feared, it was too late.

Of course, it’s never too late.  The voice is still there, waiting to be heard. There is only the present to retrieve our gifts. The past is but a memory, reminding us of what we still can be. Of what we still are, if only we trust enough to heed our inner voices and become our truths. Does lament for lost opportunities, or lost “time,” really serve us? Perhaps it can, if we let it, spur us into action. Perhaps we can use it as a nudge to push us over possibility. The Now is the time to follow your heart and heed that inner voice. Once you realize that you are in control, that only your fears hold you back, you can start chipping away at them.

Last week, I launched my dream to help others. It took, I’ll admit, a large dose of courage to get there. It took a lot of chipping away and healing, and there was more than an once of doubt trying to taint its sweetness, but I did it. What is your dream? Here’s mine:

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